Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Green Means Go...

OK, so as you can see my blog, mirroring my life, is full of quirky stories....well folks, here's a doozy.....

This story takes place in the year 2000. Way back when lil' J.Dro first got her license and her new car, delivered right to the front door by the greatest, wisest, and most sarcastic father in the world; Dad.

So, I'm lovin' my shiny 2000 Corolla, with special order "roll-up" windows, (oh yea, ;) I fell right off the sarcastic tree), in the color of my request, champagne. =)

Things couldn't get any grander. Until, one day my father called me into the kitchen to tell me he'd recieved the EZ Pass he'd ordered me two weeks ago. I'm super excited, as summer is coming and I'll surely be hitting the shore with my pals packed as tightly as possible in my ride.

I say "thanks, Dad", and before I leave the room he says, "Wait, Jay, I need you to take a ride with me. See this is a special EZ Pass, it's voice activated. This way, no one can steal your car or make it through any tolls because the car will shut down."

Well, let me tell you I thought he was the shit.....and then he says, "Only the best for my little girl."

"Aw", I thought to myself, isn't he the best!? So Dad and I proceed down the Parkway as he instructed and once I reached the first toll, he told me I had to lean forward really close to the EZ Pass box and say loud and clear in my firmest tone, "GO EZ PASS!"

So I did.

And what do you know, the light on the left lit up green saying "EZ Pass Paid". "Wow", I thought, this is awesome; none of my friends have this!

Now I'm sure you're sitting there thinking once we got home my Dad burst out laughing and confessed his practical joke?

Didn't happen. The man walked right back into the house with me and never uttered another word of the EZ Pass.

Three months pass by and .....yes three months time, and in that three months I'd probably hauled ten loads of friends down the shore, stopping at each EZ Pass and then explaining to the "lay" passengers in my car of my father's high tech purchase.

This terrible train wreck came to an embarassing hault the day I took my then boyfriend, Brian, down the shore. As usual, I'd approached the first toll and commanded, "Go EZ Pass". And as usual, the light turned green.

Brian turned to me and said, "Jamie, what the hell are you doing?" I turned to him in my snootiest tone and proclaimed, Listen, Brian, this is the special EZ Pass. It's voice activated and really expensive. No one can steal my car because it will shut down on a stranger's voice. My Dad only buys the best."

Brian, trying to contain his laughter, turns back to me and says, "Jamie, my father just got EZ Pass yesterday and there is no such thing as voice activation. I think your Dad is messing with you. I'll bet you money and the AAA bill, that when you get to the next toll, you drive through without saying a word and the light will still turn green and your car will not shut down on you. "

OK, so I'm scared out of my mind, but pissed that this boy would DARE question my Father, so of course I take the challenge and warn him that, "..my dad is going to be so pissed at you when the car shuts down..."

So, we approach the next toll and my heart is racing. There's no doubt in my mind that father is always right and could never possibly concieve him sending me out into the world looking like such and IDIOT for THREE months!!!!!!

I'm next up at the toll, and I slowly creep my car through, restraining the urge to command the EZ Pass.

What happened? NOTHING....I went right through the EZ Pass and the light turned green and my face turned BRIGHT RED!

I got home that night at 11pm and stormed upstairs to my parents room where I knew my father was sleeping.

I barged in and in my harshest tone said, "Dad......Go EZ Pass, huh?!?!"

My Dad sat straight up in bed, hair parted every which way as it usually is when's he's been sleeping, and says, "You just figured that out now? Jesus, Jamie!"

My father is now known and respected by every male friend I have and the EZ Pass story has been told time and again in his honor at house parties and keggers alike. Cheers, Dad.


Anonymous said...

Jamie this is the funniest thing i have ever read!!
i love it!

The Nerdy Bird said...

That is a fantastic story!

Jamie Lynn Drohan said...

Thank you so much! I'm so happy you're a writer, too!!!

Carrie Millsaps said...

Jamie that is funny. I am from Newburgh New York. Small world.

Joanna said...

funny story. i saw that you went to college on si, that's where i was raised and made it to tn 12 years ago. hope you're loving it as much as i am!