Thursday, February 5, 2009

The Exclusive Interview...

Maybe it’s just me, but I find the average bio about as exciting as a throat culture. So, I asked the best interviewer I know — me — to sit down for a little Q&A. The unedited transcript is below. (And let’s be honest here: I could have edited it to make myself seem all witty and well-adjusted, but I wanted to you to see the real me.)

Ms. Drohan, it’s so gracious of you to invite me to your lovely home. Would you like to begin by telling our readers where you’re from?
Sure, Jamie. By the way, I love your shoes. Are those hidden platforms? I have the same ones. Anyway, I was born in Livingston, NJ and raised in the Township of Union. I attended Union High School where I was incredibly bored and insanely underappreciated outside the theatre department. I remember wondering daily, “How come these people have no idea how freakin' fabulous I am?”

Hmmm. That sucks.
No worries, Princess. I joined facebook to reconnect and discovered that everyone felt bored and underappreciated. It’s called puberty.

And after high school?
I attended Wagner College on a Musical Theatre scholarship and after two years realized this wasn't the path for me. I landed a job hosting some shows in local television and I wanted more - more I tell you!

That path led you to Comcast and Westfield TV36 didn’t it?
Absolutely. I worked as a producer/editor/writer/host of Union TV34 and started making my own demos - sending them out to any Network Exec with a name and mailing address. Eventually, after six months of no word, I apparently broke down one Exec in particular and landed my first gig hosting Newsmakers on CNN Headline News. Through that position I was offered another gig hosting Eye On Ocean County in South Jersey on Channel 8 - all the while, still working for Union TV34. A few months later I heard of a job opening for Director of Operations in Westfield and decided there's always room for Jello - so I went for the job and I landed it. After six months of juggling four jobs I decided it was time to let one free and, loving my new position as Director, I decided to release Union TV34. Today I still host Eye on Ocean County and serve as Director of Operations for Westfield TV36. Did I also mention I'm a spokesperson?

For Overachievers Anonymous?
No, you jerk. I'm a spokesperson for VEOTAG in NYC. They help companies brand, catalog and market their services.

How many televisions shows have you done as of right now?
I have no freakin' idea - isn't that fabulous?!

You mentioned you were a musical theatre performer. Would you like to sing a little something right now?
You betcha. [Sings “Hopelessy Devoted to You” by Olivia Newton-John.]

That’s not a show tune.
[Sings “Seasons of Love” from Rent.]

Thank you. I get the idea.
I’m not finished yet. [Continues singing.] OK, now I’m done.

So, you turned your back on the theatre because you couldn't sing?
Are you trying to be funny? If nothing else, I’m a lady of my word. [Clasps hands around interviewer’s throat slightly tighter and slightly longer than necessary to make point.]

I might sue you for that.
Bite me.

What’s your sign, biatch?
I was born Janaury 20, 1982, under the sign of Aquarius. In fact, I’m a Aquarius with a Saggitarius rising, just like Jennifer Aniston - isn't that fabulous?

No, not really. Where do you get your clothes? Not that I care at this point. My neck hurts.
I get my clothes from lots of different places. I wear a lot of Michael Kors, Sweet Pea, Free People, True Religion. My favorite suits are by the Klein's, (Calvin and Anne). And I love shoes by Michael Kors, Jessica Simpson (girlfriend knows how to make a heel!) and Christian Louboutin.

How tall are you?
I’m five foot four.

And how much do you weigh?

Liar. You weigh 120, J.Dro.
I know, but I could lose those ten pounds if I wanted to - I just happen to have a buxom bottom. And don’t contradict me or I'll choke you again. I hope I left a bruise.

I think you did. Now talk about your hobbies. That’s the next question on this list you gave me.
I didn’t give you any list. As you know, I don’t have as much time as I’d like to pursue my hobbies, but I enjoy reading, travel, fashion, cooking, kicking ass in Scrabble and playing with my rabbit, Mr. Hefner.

What television shows do you watch?
I’m addicted to reruns of SATC, anything TLC, and for some ridiculous reason, The Real World.

And my last question: Are you single?
I can’t believe you just asked me that. That’s not on the list.

I thought you said there was no list. I only asked because some people seem to care.
I don’t care why you asked. When will we stop slapping labels on people? “That guy’s gay.” “That girl’s a slut.” “That dog’s humping my leg.” If it doesn’t concern you, mind your own business.

OK, OK. Don’t get your balls in a tangle.
I don’t have balls. You think that because I run a television station and generally tell other people what to do all day, I have testicles? I think this interview is over.

Good. I’m going to see a doctor.
Well, this has been a pleasure. Please don’t let the French doors hit you on the way out.

1 comment:

Mick said...

holy shit, you're a nutjob. I adore you. keep making me laugh.